Episode #122: Buyers Behaving Badly

In many sales conversations in Japan, we hear the phrase “the customer is like a god.” In reality, some buyers behave more like a bully than a partner. They keep you waiting, speak disrespectfully, demand favors, and sometimes use you to help another supplier win the business.

You do not have to accept every form of bad behavior just because you want the sale. Unless you are selling into a tiny niche with only a handful of possible buyers, you have choices. Good sales skills are highly transferable across industries, markets, and even countries. If one segment consistently treats salespeople poorly, you can often move to another where your professionalism is respected.

Mini-summary: You do not have to suffer abuse just to win business. Professional sales skills give you options, including the option to change industries or customer segments.

If you work in a market where buyer abuse is constant and systemic, it may be time to leave. One of the most extreme examples in Japan is the pharmaceutical industry selling to doctors.

In this environment, salespeople may be:

• Forced to wait hours just to get a few minutes with a doctor

• Talked down to as if they are at the very bottom of the social ladder

• Expected to perform personal services and favors to gain access

On top of that, stricter compliance rules are limiting entertainment, gifts, and incentives. The “sweeteners” are disappearing, but the “whip” from the buyer remains. If this is your daily reality and there are few signs of change, ask yourself: Is this where I want to spend my career?

Because sales skills transfer so well, many professionals successfully move into other industries where the culture is healthier and the buyer–seller relationship is more balanced.

Mini-summary: If an entire industry normalizes abusive behavior toward salespeople, consider changing markets. Your skills are valuable and portable.

Japan’s business culture is highly hierarchical, but actual decision power does not always match job titles. Even when a company President personally introduces you and requests that HR or another department meet you, that does not guarantee progress.

A common pattern:

1. The President meets you, likes your solutions, and asks HR to follow up.

2. You contact HR repeatedly.

3. HR ignores you or stalls endlessly.

In such cases, HR may be running its own internal agenda and may not feel obliged to act on the President’s suggestion. Telling the President that their own HR team is ignoring them is delicate. It is essentially saying, “You do not actually have influence here,” which is not a message executives enjoy hearing.

This dynamic can appear again when executives ask HR to obtain training proposals. You might assume you have an “inside track” because the top leader is supportive. In reality, middle management or HR may resent this and quietly block the initiative as a show of their own power.

Mini-summary: In Japan, formal authority does not always equal real influence. Even a strong sponsor at the top does not guarantee that the people executing the work will cooperate. Continue to build relationships with those who actually control implementation.

Another frustrating buyer behavior is the “paper quote” request. Some companies are required by internal rules to collect three proposals—even if they have already decided which vendor they will choose. In that scenario, you are just there to satisfy compliance and make their preferred provider look reasonable.

Warning signs include:

• The prospect refuses to meet and insists, “Just send the quote, we are too busy.”

• They do not want to discuss needs, context, or success measures.

• They avoid any live conversation where you could influence the decision.

In these situations, one effective technique is not to chase after you send the quote. It sounds like bad sales practice, but it is actually a diagnostic tool:

• If they are serious, they will reply with questions or a purchase decision.

• If there is total silence, you likely served only as a comparison point to support a competitor.

Mini-summary: If a buyer only wants a quote and refuses to engage, you may be a “compliance number,” not a real contender. Send the quote, then let their behavior reveal their intent.

What if the top leader supports you but the internal buyer blocks you?

Sometimes the story is more complex. For example, a President who knows your training first-hand may strongly recommend you and instruct HR to contact you. This looks like a perfect opportunity:

• The top leader understands your value.

• The pricing range is aligned.

• Your track record is solid.

Yet the internal stakeholders and HR still refuse a meeting and insist, “Just send the proposal.” When you push back and say, “I need to explain it to you,” they continue to stall and demand the proposal only by email.

This behavior can signal internal politics. HR or the internal client might feel that the President has intruded into their territory. To reassert control, they slow-walk or quietly undermine the recommendation, using you as a symbolic target. You do the work; they ignore the proposal.

Again, by not following up after sending the proposal, you allow their intentions to surface clearly. If there is no response, you have your answer: it was never a serious opportunity.

Mini-summary: Even with strong executive support, internal political battles can derail your deal. Recognize these patterns, minimize wasted effort, and focus on buyers genuinely willing to engage.

How can sales professionals protect their emotions and reputation in the long term?

Sales can feel like an emotional roller coaster. You invest time, energy, and hope into opportunities that sometimes turn out to be games:

• You are kept waiting, then dismissed.

• You are used to satisfy internal rules with no chance to win.

• You are pulled into internal power struggles you cannot see.

The key is not to take it personally. Instead, treat each case as data:

• Record what happened and who was involved.

• Note which companies or individuals repeatedly waste your time.

• Every six months, check whether that person is still in the company.

In today’s Japan, people change jobs more frequently than before. The “problem buyer” may eventually leave. When that happens, you can re-approach the company and carefully rebuild the relationship—with different stakeholders.

At the same time, there are many other buyers in most markets with whom you have never spoken. You do not need to keep engaging with abusive or manipulative contacts. As the saying goes: “Fool me once it’s your fault, fool me twice it’s my fault.”

Mini-summary: Protect your emotional energy by seeing bad behavior as data, not a personal attack. Track patterns, avoid repeat offenders, and return only when the people involved have changed.

• You have options. If an industry normalizes disrespect toward salespeople, consider moving to a healthier market where your skills are valued.

• Hierarchy hides real power. Top-level support is helpful, but you still need buy-in from those who execute decisions, especially HR and middle management.

• Diagnose “fake” opportunities. When buyers refuse to meet and only want a quote, assume you may be there to satisfy internal rules—not to win the business.

• Do not personalize bad behavior. Log incidents, watch for staff turnover, and re-approach companies once toxic individuals have moved on.

Founded in the U.S. in 1912, Dale Carnegie Training has supported individuals and companies worldwide for over a century in leadership, sales, presentation, executive coaching, and DEI. Our Tokyo office, established in 1963, has been empowering both Japanese and multinational corporate clients ever since.