Episode #124: Go Ahead, Motivate Me

When a team member says, “Motivate me,” it reveals a deeper problem in your culture.
If people are waiting for their boss, the company, or their colleagues to “fix” their motivation, you are already losing performance, innovation, and engagement.

This page explains how leaders can stop being the “chief motivator” and instead design an environment where people choose to motivate themselves — especially in competitive markets like Tokyo and across Japan.

When employees think motivation comes from the boss, the company, or their teammates, they shift responsibility away from themselves:

• “If only I had a better boss, I would do better.”

• “If only this company got its act together, I could perform.”

• “If only my colleagues were not so hopeless, I could excel.”

This mindset is dangerous because it places salvation in the hands of others. In reality, sustainable motivation is always an inside job. Leaders who allow this dependency to grow will see blame, excuses, and learned helplessness spread through the culture.

Mini-summary:
“Motivate me” signals a dependence mindset. Leaders must redirect responsibility back to individuals while shaping an environment that supports self-motivation.

Every leader wants motivation, loyalty, accountability, effort, responsibility, and engagement.
These are outputs. They only appear when the right inputs are present — from both leaders and team members.

Leaders must provide:

• Clear direction and purpose

• Fair systems and realistic expectations

• Opportunities for growth and contribution

• Respectful, skilled communication

Team members must bring:

• Ownership of their own attitude

• Willingness to learn and adapt

• Personal standards for performance

• Initiative and self-discipline

When either side abdicates its role, motivation drops. When both sides take responsibility, motivation becomes sustainable and scalable.

Mini-summary:
Motivation is a shared outcome. Leaders design conditions, staff own their mindset — both sides are responsible for the final result.

Some leaders still rely on:

• Yelling and anger

• Threats and fear of loss

• Shaming and public humiliation

Steve Jobs, in his early leadership years, used many of these methods. His later success has led some managers to wrongly justify similar behavior:
“If it worked for Jobs, it’s fine for me.”

However:

• His success came despite those behaviors, not because of them.

• Fear may create short-term compliance, but it crushes creativity and psychological safety.

• People will not experiment, take smart risks, or share bold ideas if they fear being attacked.

In any business — especially in innovation-driven, client-facing environments — fear-based leadership reduces the very innovation and commitment you are trying to build.

Mini-summary:
Fear can force compliance but kills creativity and long-term engagement. Jobs’ success does not justify bullying; it simply shows what he achieved despite it.

Jobs could extract brilliance from already brilliant people. That is impressive but not the hardest part of leadership.

The real test of leadership is:

• Taking second- and third-tier talent and raising them to first-class performance.

• Developing people with potential, not just buying fully-formed stars.

Craig Bellamy, coach of the Melbourne Storm rugby league team in Australia, is a strong example. Without the budget to buy a full team of stars, he turned players with potential into top-level performers through coaching, discipline, and systems.

Most organizations cannot hire only stars. The winning model is to create stars by:

• Identifying strengths in “ordinary” people

• Providing coaching, feedback, and stretch opportunities

• Building systems that raise the performance of the whole group

Mini-summary:
Elite leadership is not about managing stars; it is about developing potential and turning average people into high performers.

Why doesn’t your personal success model work for everyone?

Strong leaders often believe:

“What worked for me will work for my team.”

This assumption leads to frustration, complaints, and endless disappointment:

• Leaders expect others to have the same drive, risk tolerance, or decision speed.

• They forget how much time, experience, and failure it took them to reach their current level.

• They treat “common sense” as universal, when in fact it is learned.

In reality, few people will ever behave exactly like you. Expecting them to do so will damage trust and push capable people away.

Mini-summary:
Your success formula is uniquely yours. Good leaders adjust their approach to each person instead of demanding everyone copy their path.

How does personality impact motivation and communication?

Personality models often group people into four basic styles.
You are naturally comfortable with one of those styles, which means:

• Up to three-quarters of the population will not naturally think, decide, or communicate like you.

• Without awareness, you will misread them, and they will misread you.

If you only hire “people like you,” you:

• Reduce diversity of thought

• Increase groupthink

• Become overconfident in your own assumptions

• Put the business at higher risk when conditions change

On the other hand, a diverse personality mix gives better problem-solving and more resilience — as long as you adjust your communication.

Mini-summary:
Most people are not like you. Diversity in personality is a strength, but only if leaders adapt their approach instead of insisting on one style.

How can you motivate people whose personality is different from yours?

To motivate different personality types, leaders must move beyond the Golden Rule (“Treat people as you want to be treated”) to something more effective:

The Platinum Rule: Treat people the way they want to be treated.

This requires:

• Understanding what each person finds motivating (security, achievement, recognition, autonomy, learning, impact, etc.)

• Aligning their self-motivation with organizational goals, instead of pushing your own preferences onto them

• Flexing your style — more data for analytical people, more warmth for relationship-oriented people, more structure for stability-seekers, more autonomy for independent thinkers

When people feel seen and understood as individuals, they are far more likely to engage deeply and sustain their own motivation.

Mini-summary:
Motivation becomes stronger when leaders adapt to each person’s style and align individual drivers with company goals.

Why is communication skill more important than technical expertise?

Many professionals believe their deep knowledge is enough. They assume:

“If my content is strong, people will understand and follow.”

In reality:

• What you say (content) matters.

• How you say it (delivery) often matters more.

Clients and employees ask themselves two questions:

1. Can I trust this person’s competence?

2. Do I like and feel comfortable with this person?

If the answer to the second question is “no,” they will:

• Avoid working with you if they have alternatives

• Limit the information they share

• Provide only minimal cooperation

In crowded fields such as dentistry, law, consulting, and professional services in cities like Tokyo, communication is a key differentiator. The same applies inside companies: people follow leaders they understand, like, and trust.

Mini-summary:
Technical skill earns respect, but communication skill earns influence. Leaders who neglect communication will lose both clients and talent.

How should leaders in Japan communicate with the younger generation?

In Japan’s demographic reality, young university graduates have many options.
If middle managers communicate poorly, younger employees will simply leave.

Younger professionals often expect:

• Clarity and transparency

• Respectful, two-way dialogue

• Opportunities to grow, not just follow orders

• Leaders who listen and coach, not just direct and criticize

If they feel misunderstood, dismissed, or emotionally unsafe, they will search for another employer — locally or globally. Retaining them requires leaders to upgrade their communication style and coaching skills.

Mini-summary:
In a shrinking talent pool, poor communication drives young employees away. Modern leaders must coach, not command, to keep high-potential talent.

If you cannot directly “motivate” others, what can you actually do?

You cannot climb inside someone’s mind and switch on motivation.
However, as a leader you can:

• Create an ecosystem where self-motivation is encouraged and rewarded

• Mirror each person’s communication style so they feel understood

• Talk in terms of their interests and goals, not just yours

• Connect their personal drivers to the organization’s strategy

• Provide recognition, feedback, and growth opportunities

This takes time. It requires real conversations and curiosity about each person. The quick shortcut — barking orders — will only achieve docile, minimal compliance.

Mini-summary:
Leaders do not “install” motivation; they build environments where self-motivation thrives and people choose to go the extra mile.

Here are the core action steps from this approach to leadership and motivation:

1. Build on strengths, not just fix weaknesses
   Focus on what people do well and give them opportunities to apply and expand those strengths.

2. Do not imitate the worst sides of famous leaders
   You are not Steve Jobs. Do not copy his flaws and justify bad behavior with isolated success stories.

3. Stop forcing your success model onto everyone else
   Recognize that your path works for you; others need their own version, with your support and guidance.

4. Avoid hiring only people who think like you
   A team of clones will amplify blind spots and increase strategic risk. Seek diversity of thinking and style.

5. Apply the Platinum Rule
   Learn how each person prefers to be treated and communicated with — and honor that where possible.

6. Upgrade your communication skills
   Work on how you speak, listen, present, and coach. Delivery is often more important than content.

7. Design an environment for self-motivation
   Align roles, goals, feedback, and recognition so people want to give their best — without being pushed.

8. Mirror each person’s communication style
   Adjust speed, detail, tone, and structure to match the individual. This dramatically improves understanding and engagement.

Mini-summary:
Motivation improves when leaders focus on strengths, embrace diversity, communicate skillfully, and intentionally build an environment where people choose to contribute at their best.

• Self-motivation is the only sustainable motivation. Leaders cannot “install” it, but they can design environments that encourage it.

• Fear-based management creates compliance, not innovation. Modern organizations need safety, trust, and coaching to unlock creativity.

• Personality and communication style matter. Applying the Platinum Rule and mirroring styles leads to better engagement and results.

• Your real job as a leader is environmental design. Shape culture, systems, and communication so that people can and want to go the extra mile.

Founded in the U.S. in 1912, Dale Carnegie Training has supported individuals and companies worldwide for over a century in leadership, sales, presentation, executive coaching, and DEI. Our Tokyo office, established in 1963, has been empowering both Japanese and multinational corporate clients ever since.