Episode #257: How To Build Strong Relationships With Our Buyers

Why do sales professionals struggle to get consistent buyer cooperation?

Even strong salespeople hit a wall when buyers seem difficult, slow, or resistant. The real challenge isn’t just “finding new buyers” — it’s building relationships that last, so you don’t have to start from zero every time. In sales, we must hunt for new opportunities, but we also want to farm long-term accounts. Yet not every buyer is easy to work with, and waiting for them to change is a losing strategy.

Mini-summary: Long-term sales success comes from relationship farming, but difficult buyers require a change in our approach first.

Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People is not about tricking people. It’s about personal responsibility: we can’t change others, only ourselves. When we shift how we think and behave, we often trigger a positive shift in the buyer too. This is especially relevant in Japan’s business context where trust, consistency, and respect shape decision-making in Japanese companies (日本企業 / Japanese companies) and multinational firms (外資系企業 / foreign-affiliated companies) across Tokyo (東京 / Tokyo).

Mini-summary: Influence is earned by adjusting ourselves first — a core Dale Carnegie idea that fits Japan’s trust-based business culture.

If we approach buyers the same way every time, we can expect the same reaction every time. It’s basically Newton’s idea: “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” In sales terms, even a tiny change in how you communicate — three degrees — produces a different counter-reaction. That small pivot can turn resistance into cooperation.

Mini-summary: Small deliberate shifts in approach can create big differences in buyer responses.

1) Why should we avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining?

Because criticism almost never creates change. Think about it: how often has someone admitted they were wrong because you criticized them? Rarely. Most people defend themselves and justify what they did. Criticizing buyers — whether about 120-day payment terms, last-minute order changes, or bidding processes that end with a competitor winning — only creates tension and blocks cooperation.
Instead, treat negative buyer actions as problems to solve, not character flaws to attack.
Mini-summary: Criticism triggers defense, not cooperation — so handle buyer problems without blaming.

2) How does honest, sincere appreciation increase buyer cooperation?

Most people are starved of appreciation. We expect others to “just do their job,” and then wonder why cooperation is hard. Appreciation unlocks goodwill — but only if it’s real. Buyers are extremely sensitive to flattery and will reject it if it feels fake.
The key is to praise something specific, concrete, and provable. Example:

“Suzuki-san (鈴木さん / Mr./Ms. Suzuki), I appreciated that you got back to me on time with the information I requested. It helped me meet the deadline. Thank you for your cooperation.”

That kind of praise feels honest, so the buyer accepts it and becomes more open to working with you again.
Mini-summary: Specific, truthful appreciation builds trust and motivates buyers to cooperate.

3) How do you arouse an eager want in the buyer?

People spend almost all day thinking about what they want — not what you want. So when you need cooperation, you must frame your message in terms of the buyer’s interests.
Ask yourself:

• What does the buyer as an individual want (not just their company role)?

• Do you know it clearly and in detail?

• Have you linked your solution to that want?

When buyers feel a positive personal outcome, they become eager partners rather than reluctant gatekeepers.
Mini-summary: Buyers cooperate when your message clearly connects to their personal wants.

How should you change your communication style to gain cooperation today?

Start by choosing a three-degree shift you can make immediately:

• Replace criticism with curiosity: “Help me understand what’s driving this change.”

• Add one sincere appreciation per meeting or email.

• Reframe your proposal in buyer-benefit language before you send it.

The more you practice these shifts, the more predictable cooperation becomes — even with tough buyers.
Mini-summary: Pick one small change today, apply it consistently, and buyer cooperation will rise.

• You can’t change buyers, but changing your approach changes outcomes.

• Small communication shifts create different buyer reactions.

• Avoid criticism, give sincere appreciation, and focus on buyer wants.

• These principles strengthen farming relationships in Tokyo’s competitive sales environment.

Founded in the U.S. in 1912, Dale Carnegie Training has supported individuals and companies worldwide for over a century in leadership, sales, presentation, executive coaching, and DEI. Our Tokyo office, established in 1963, has been empowering both Japanese and multinational corporate clients ever since.