Episode #412: Turning Rejections into Resilience: Dealing with ‘Dear John’ Letters from Japanese Buyers

Why does a well-run sales process still end in rejection?

Even when a client contacts you first, meets face-to-face, shows interest, and receives a carefully walked-through proposal, you can still lose. That contradiction is the real sting: “I did everything right — so why didn’t it close?”

In complex B2B training sales, rejection often happens not because you failed at the basics, but because the buying picture was unstable. When the client’s needs are vague, decision criteria shift late, and your differentiation isn’t fully anchored, the deal can slip even after “textbook” execution.

Mini-summary: A strong process isn’t a guarantee when the buyer’s clarity and decision rules are moving targets.

A client that reaches out first is usually actively shopping and comparing. That’s good — but it also means you’re entering a race where the rules may not be written yet.

In this case, the buyer’s HR team was broad and unclear about what they wanted. This is common when HR is exploring capability development without deep expertise in training design. A broad net creates these problems:

• They like many ideas because they don’t yet know what matters most.

• They can’t clearly tell you what would make one vendor “better.”

• They may default to simple criteria (like price or internal comfort) at the end.

Mini-summary: “Hot” prospects can still be unclear prospects — and that uncertainty can overpower your proposal.

Price might have been a factor. The proposal was about 16% higher than what they had paid the previous year. In isolation, that’s not outrageous — especially if the value and outcomes are stronger.

But when buyers see training as a commodity with little differentiation, price becomes the easiest lever to pull. Even if you explain your brand, quality, and ROI, they may still compare like-for-like.

There are two high-integrity paths in this situation:

1. Defend your differentiation clearly (outcomes, behavior change, global credibility).

2. Anchor value early so higher pricing feels logical before numbers appear.

Matching last year’s price can win a deal, but it weakens your positioning if you truly believe your training creates more impact.

Mini-summary: The issue may not be “too expensive,” but “not differentiated enough in their minds to justify the increase.”

Was the content misaligned?

When buyers can’t specify needs, content becomes a guessing game. Broad needs are double-edged:

• Good: You can propose creative, high-value solutions.

• Bad: You can propose too many possible solutions.

Suppliers naturally build proposals around what they do best. That’s not a flaw — it’s a reality. But if the buyer doesn’t know what they want, they also won’t know how to judge whether your framework is the best fit.

That creates “frustrating ambiguity”: you may have been close to winning, but never get a precise reason why you lost.

Mini-summary: Vague requirements often lead to vague rejections — not necessarily bad proposals.

Chemistry is necessary — but rarely sufficient.

You felt good about rapport in both meetings. That’s important. But chemistry is also a low-differentiation factor because most capable salespeople communicate well. A rival can often match this element easily.

What tends to win is chemistry + a unique, clearly articulated advantage tied to their business outcomes.

Mini-summary: Good connection helps you stay in the game, but it doesn’t always decide the game.

You conducted meetings in English. One HR person seemed comfortable with that; the other preferred Japanese. There were no communication problems, and the client was multinational, so English is normal in their environment.

Still, subtle comfort factors can matter in Japan:

• The decision may favor the setting that feels most natural for the group.

• A junior stakeholder may influence internal evaluation more strongly in Japanese.

• Using Japanese can signal cultural closeness and reduce perceived risk.

At the same time, using English can reinforce your fit for an international organization. So it’s not a clear “mistake,” but a variable worth managing more consciously next time.

Mini-summary: Language isn’t usually a deal breaker — but it can tilt comfort and internal advocacy.

Can you get a clear reason from the buyer afterward?

Usually not.

Most buyers avoid giving detailed feedback. They don’t want debate, conflict, or follow-up justification. The standard response is intentionally polite and non-specific.

A short, professional reply keeps the bridge open:

“Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate the opportunity and look forward to the next chance to work together.”

Then you move forward.

Mini-summary: Lack of feedback is normal — don’t interpret it as personal rejection.

Rejection hits hard. Sales requires emotional recovery and psychological self-protection.

Your approach — “They are stupid not to take my offer” — is less about factual blame and more about resilience. In sales, your ability to recover matters more than perfect accuracy about why you lost.

Because:

• You will lose many deals even when you perform well.

• Confidence fuels the next opportunity.

• Optimism is a renewable resource you must defend.

Mini-summary: Your mindset is a sales asset; protect it like one.

What does Dale Carnegie Tokyo add to this situation?

At Dale Carnegie Tokyo, we see this pattern often in leadership and capability development projects. Organizations — both Japanese companies (日本企業 / Japanese companies) and multinational firms (外資系企業 / multinational firms) — are frequently exploring broad development needs without fixed criteria.

Our job is to help clients clarify:

• What outcomes matter most

• What behavior change is required

• How to evaluate training impact beyond cost

• Why a trusted global framework reduces risk

That clarity is what turns proposals into partnerships.

Mini-summary: The real win is helping buyers define success early — then becoming the obvious path to it.

• A strong sales process can still fail when buyer criteria are unclear or shifting.

• Differentiation must be anchored early, especially if pricing is higher.

• Chemistry helps, but outcomes-based advantage wins.

• Rejection management is part of the profession — mindset protects performance.

Founded in the U.S. in 1912, Dale Carnegie Training has supported individuals and companies worldwide for over a century in leadership, sales, presentation, executive coaching, and DEI. Our Tokyo office, established in 1963, has been empowering both Japanese and multinational corporate clients ever since.