Episode #413: Networking Done Very Badly. A Real-Life Lesson From Tokyo

Why do so many networking follow-ups fail in Tokyo?

Because they’re generic, untailored, and disconnected from what actually happened in the conversation. A polished English email sent quickly can still feel like an “all-weather template” if it doesn’t reference anything specific. Recipients can sense when a note is copy-pasted to everyone. That destroys trust before a relationship even starts.

Mini-summary: Speed and good English don’t matter if the email feels canned. Specificity is what makes follow-up credible.

A follow-up should continue a real conversation, not pretend one occurred. It should:

• Refer to something concrete you discussed.

• Confirm a clear next step you already hinted at during the event.

• Match the relationship potential you identified on the spot.

If you didn’t uncover a real reason to reconnect, sending an email “just because” wastes both people’s time.

Mini-summary: Follow-up is a bridge to the next conversation—only send it when a real bridge exists.

High-performing networkers filter in real time. Here’s a practical sequence:

1. Business card / meishi (名刺: business card) filter

   • What is their role? Are they a decision-maker or an influencer?

2. Company size filter

   • Under ~30 employees: in-house training is unlikely, but public programs may fit.

   • Over ~30 employees: in-house training becomes realistic.

3. Need filter

   • Ask directly (lightly, but seriously):
     “Which capabilities would most help your people right now?”

This approach is especially important in 日本企業 (Nihon kigyō: Japanese companies) and 外資系企業 (gaishikei kigyō: multinational/foreign-affiliated companies) where buying processes and training budgets can differ.

Mini-summary: Filter by role, size, and need. You only need a few signals to know if there’s real potential.

How do you uncover needs without sounding pushy?

Make your value clear first, then ask with curiosity.

Example approach:

• Briefly explain what you do in plain business terms.

• Point to a few relevant categories (leadership, sales, communication, presentations, DEI, coaching).

• Then ask:
  “Do any of these stand out as useful for your team this year?”

If they say “all of them,” don’t stop there. Ask:
“Which one would move the needle fastest?”

That second question separates casual talkers from real buyers.

Mini-summary: State your value clearly, then probe for one priority need.

If you detect real need, seed the next step during the event:

• “Let’s catch up after this—maybe we can set a time to explore that.”

Now your email isn’t a surprise. It’s a continuation.

Mini-summary: The follow-up works best when it’s already agreed to, even informally.

How do you exit conversations gracefully to meet more people?

You don’t need to get stuck. Use a respectful close:

“It’s been a pleasure chatting with you.
Why don’t we both meet some other people while we’re here?
I look forward to catching up again.”

Smile, shake hands, leave. Simple and professional.

Mini-summary: A clean exit line keeps relationships warm and frees you to find better opportunities.

Isn’t this approach mercenary?

It can sound that way to people who don’t sell. But sales professionals live by one core constraint: time. Networking is not social drifting—it’s strategic business development.

Ask critics:

• “How do you find new clients through networking?”

• “Would your salespeople grow faster if they used events this way?”

The logic is hard to argue with.

Mini-summary: Filtering isn’t cold—it’s professional. Your time is your most valuable tool.

Replace the training examples with your reality. Identify:

• Who can buy from you? (role/seniority)

• Who can afford or justify you? (company size/budget fit)

• Who needs you now? (pain, urgency, priority)

Walk into every event knowing what signals matter. That’s how you turn networking into a predictable pipeline.

Mini-summary: Define your own “role–size–need” filters so conversations lead somewhere useful.

• Personalised follow-up only works when you uncovered real value during the conversation.

• Filter prospects quickly by meishi (名刺: business card), company size, and clear need.

• Set up the follow-up before you send it, so your email feels natural.

• Strategic networking is a sales skill—not a casual activity.

Founded in the U.S. in 1912, Dale Carnegie Training has supported individuals and companies worldwide for over a century in leadership, sales, presentation, executive coaching, and DEI. Our Tokyo office, established in 1963, has been empowering both Japanese and multinational corporate clients ever since.