Episode #6: Networking That Works

Why is counting business cards the wrong way to measure your network?

Many executives in 日本企業 (Japanese companies) and 外資系企業 (foreign/multinational companies) in 東京 (Tokyo) still ask:
“How big is my database? How many business cards have I collected?”

These are the wrong questions.

The right questions are:

• How many people know you?

• How many people actually care about you?

Traditional networking is a push model: you attend events, hand over meishi (business cards), exchange contact details, and hope something happens. But without an emotional connection or “care factor”, those cards sit in a drawer and do nothing.

Mini-summary:
More business cards do not mean more business. Influence starts when people know you and care about you.

People may have your beautifully designed business card, but the real question is:

During your first interaction, did you make them care?

At networking events in 東京 (Tokyo), many professionals are:

• Unfriendly or brusque

• Closed, distracted, or negative

• Giving off the energy: “I don’t like people”

This behaviour damages both the personal brand and the company brand. People walk away thinking:

• “I don’t want to help them.”

• “I won’t introduce them to my trusted network.”

• “I will not give them business.”

In today’s hyper-connected world, where “no man is an island,” unpleasant interactions spread quickly and quietly limit your opportunities.

Mini-summary:
The care factor is created in the first minutes. If people do not like you, they will not support you, refer you, or buy from you.

Many professionals attend events for two main reasons:

1. To learn something valuable

2. To meet people who can help their business

Yet the way they behave often kills both goals.

Common mistakes:

• Colleagues sit together in groups instead of spreading out.

• They talk mostly to people they already know.

• They treat networking as a chore, not an opportunity.

A real example from 東京 (Tokyo):

• Five people from the same company sat at the same table.

• One was even their section boss.

• They were all recruiters, whose job is connecting with people.

The message they unintentionally send:
“We do not really want to connect. We are not thinking about influence.”

Leadership action point:
Leaders should coach their teams:

• Do not sit together at events.

• Divide the room.

• Each person talks with new people.

• Focus on being likeable brand ambassadors.

This is a zero-cost strategy to expand your circle of influence in 日本企業 (Japanese companies) and 外資系企業 (foreign/multinational companies) in 東京 (Tokyo).

Mini-summary:
Events are not just content; they are influence platforms. Leaders must teach teams to spread out, connect, and represent the brand with warmth and curiosity.

We prefer to do business with people we like.
We will work with people we do not like only when we have no choice.

So the key question is:

What makes you likeable?

In every interaction, you are selling an image of yourself:

• Trustworthy

• Professional

• Competent

• Reliable

• Friendly

• Intelligent

• Experienced

• Creative

This is true whether you work in リーダーシップ研修 (leadership training), 営業研修 (sales training), プレゼンテーション研修 (presentation training), エグゼクティブ・コーチング (executive coaching), DEI研修 (DEI training), or any other field.

Being likeable makes it easier to:

• Attract business

• Gain referrals

• Build long-term partnerships

Mini-summary:
Your personal likeability is a strategic business asset. It shapes how people see you and your company, and directly affects your sales and opportunities.

Many professionals think, “I am not in sales.”

But in reality:

• You are always selling an image.

• You are always influencing how people see you, your team, and your company.

The old sales idea says:

“You don’t know which one is the beautiful princess, so you need to kiss a lot of frogs.”

In simple business terms:

• You need a wider circle of influence.

• The more people you meet, the more chances you create.

• Volume matters, but quality of each interaction matters even more.

Mini-summary:
Everyone is in sales at some level. Your daily behaviour in networking either attracts or repels future business.

What basic networking mistake should companies eliminate immediately?

A very simple but powerful rule:

At events, never sit together with your team.

Why?

Because when colleagues cluster together:

• They look closed and unapproachable.

• They waste an opportunity to expand the company’s network.

• They limit their exposure to new ideas and potential clients.

Especially for recruiters, salespeople, and leaders, this is a serious lost chance.

Instead, leaders should set clear expectations:

• Spread out across the room.

• Each person meets new people.

• Afterwards, share learnings and connections internally.

This simple behaviour change amplifies your brand in both 日本企業 (Japanese companies) and 外資系企業 (foreign/multinational companies) across 東京 (Tokyo).

Mini-summary:
Stop letting your team hide together at events. Spreading out increases your reach, influence, and potential business contacts at zero extra cost.

What questions create deeper, more likeable conversations?

Most networking conversations stop at:

• “What do you do?”

• “How long have you been here?”

These are fine, but shallow.

Dale Carnegie’s principles show a better way:

• Principle 4: “Become genuinely interested in other people.”

• Principle 8: “Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.”

“Genuinely” is the key. People quickly feel if your interest is real or fake.

Instead of stopping at job titles, try deeper, simple questions like:

• “What do you like most about Japan?”

• “Where is the best local holiday spot you have found?”

• “What is your favourite restaurant in Tokyo?”

These reveal:

• Personal tastes

• Values

• Lifestyle

• Points of common interest

And common interest is the foundation of likeability.

Mini-summary:
Better questions plus real listening make you memorable and likeable. People remember how you made them feel, not just what you do.

How can you use advice-seeking to build respect and connection?

People love giving advice. Even if they do not follow their own advice, they enjoy sharing expertise.

You can build strong connections by asking:

• “What does your firm do particularly well?”

• “How do you build a strong internal culture in your team?”

• “How do you handle cross-cultural challenges?”

• “What is your view of the current state of your industry?”

• “Do you think the recent Nikkei or Abenomics-led surge is sustainable or just a ‘dead cat bounce’ (temporary rise before falling again)?”

These questions:

• Show respect for their experience

• Open deeper, intelligent conversations

• Position you as curious, thoughtful, and strategic

This style works especially well with senior leaders in 日本企業 (Japanese companies) and 外資系企業 (foreign/multinational companies) who value serious business dialogue.

Mini-summary:
Asking for advice flatters people and creates intelligent discussion. It makes you stand out as a thoughtful, likeable business partner.

What is the final outcome of likeable, strategic networking?

When you engage people in a warm, curious, and intelligent way, you:

• Build a strong personal brand

• Strengthen your company’s brand

• Create a powerful network of people who both know you and care about you

These people are more likely to:

• Introduce you to others in their network

• Share business opportunities

• Support your initiatives and ideas

This is how true networking supports leadership, sales, presentations, executive coaching, and DEI success for organisations in 東京 (Tokyo) and across Japan.

Mini-summary:
Likeable networking is not small talk; it is strategic brand-building. It creates a network of people who actively want you to succeed.

• Stop counting cards; start counting care. Focus on how many people know and care about you, not how many meishi you collect.

• Coach your team on networking behaviour. Do not let staff sit together at events; spread out and represent the brand positively.

• Use smarter questions and deep listening. Follow Dale Carnegie principles to make others feel important and understood.

• Treat every interaction as influence. You are always selling an image of yourself and your organisation.

Founded in the U.S. in 1912, Dale Carnegie Training has supported individuals and companies worldwide for over a century in leadership, sales, presentation, executive coaching, and DEI. Our Tokyo office, established in 1963, has been empowering both Japanese and multinational corporate clients ever since.