Episode #90: How Do You Make People Feel?

Why do feelings matter so much in business?

People rarely remember the details of what we say or do.
They clearly remember how we made them feel.

In business, we talk a lot about logic, numbers, and efficiency. But people are emotional. When we feel hurt, ignored, or disrespected, that emotion stays with us for years. The same is true when we feel valued, trusted, and supported.

Mini-summary: Business is driven by people, and people are driven by feelings. How you make others feel is your real reputation.

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How do your words and actions make others feel?

Ask yourself:

• Do I use sharp jokes, sarcasm, or put-downs?

• Do I always have to be right or “one up” others?

• Or do I build trust, confidence, and friendship?

A single comment can make someone feel small, angry, or embarrassed. Even if they smile and say nothing, they may remember that moment for a long time.

Mini-summary: Every interaction leaves an emotional footprint. Choose words that build people up, not tear them down.

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Why do we react emotionally instead of logically?

When something goes wrong — a delay, a mistake, a careless comment — we often feel:

• Anger

• Disappointment

• Fear

• Frustration

In that moment, logic disappears. We may complain, blame, or attack. Or we may go quiet but hold a grudge.

Mini-summary: Emotional reactions are natural, but if we are not careful, they damage trust and relationships.

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Which people skills should we use every day?

Dale Carnegie taught simple, powerful principles for better human relations:

1. Why should we avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining?

Direct criticism usually makes people:

• Defensive

• Stubborn

• Angry at us

They try to justify their behavior instead of changing it. We also become “the person who attacked them.”

Mini-summary: Criticism often creates resistance, not improvement. Use understanding and questions instead of blame.

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2. Why should we let others save face?

Correcting people in public or making them feel foolish might make us feel smart for a moment, but:

• They feel humiliated.

• They may quietly look for ways to get back at us.

Even if they do not show it, they remember.

Mini-summary: Protecting someone’s dignity builds loyalty. Embarrassing them builds silent revenge.

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3. Why should we respect others’ opinions?

When we say “You’re wrong,” people usually stop listening and start fighting.
They feel attacked, and the argument becomes about ego, not facts.

Instead, we can say things like:

• “I see it differently.”

• “That’s one way to look at it. Here’s another.”

Mini-summary: You can disagree without disrespect. Respect keeps the relationship strong, even when opinions differ.

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4. Why is it best to avoid arguments?

Even if you “win” an argument, you often lose:

• Trust

• Future cooperation

• Your reputation as an easy person to work with

People remember you as difficult, not as smart.

Mini-summary: The best way to win an argument is to avoid it. Focus on understanding, not victory.

Maya Angelou said:

People will forget what you said.
People will forget what you did.
But people will never forget how you made them feel.

In business and in life, people skills are not “soft.” They are essential. When we manage emotions — our own and others’ — we create stronger teams, better clients, and long-term success.

Mini-summary: Your greatest skill is how you make people feel. Start improving that today.

• People remember feelings more than words or actions.

• Criticizing, embarrassing, or arguing with others damages trust.

• Letting people save face and respecting their opinions strengthens relationships.

• Avoiding arguments and managing emotions leads to better long-term results.

Founded in the U.S. in 1912, Dale Carnegie Training has supported individuals and companies worldwide for over a century in leadership, sales, presentation, executive coaching, and DEI. Our Tokyo office, established in 1963, has been empowering both local and multinational corporate clients ever since.