Episode #94: Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

Why do smart people say “not my circus, not my monkeys”?

In many companies, people protect themselves by narrowing their responsibilities: “That’s not my job.” It feels safe, especially in high-pressure, low-tolerance cultures where mistakes are punished. The result is silos, slow decisions, and weak cooperation across teams, divisions, and even industries.

In short: Self-protection and fear of mistakes quietly kill cross-functional cooperation.

What happens when roles are too narrow?

When people define their role in a very tight way, they:

• Stay in their comfort zone

• Avoid volunteering

• Hide behind group responsibility

• Defend the borders of “their” job

This keeps things safe and predictable, but it blocks innovation, ownership, and accountability across the organization.

In short: Over-defining roles protects individuals but damages collaboration and innovation.

How can we get people to actually care and cooperate?

To move from “not my circus” to “how can I help?”, we need to shift how we communicate:

1. Arouse in the other person an eager want
   Start with what they want, not what you want. Show how cooperation helps their goals, not just yours.

2. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
   Explain the task using their priorities: their targets, their risks, their success metrics.

In short: Make cooperation clearly valuable from the other person’s point of view.

How does listening change the level of cooperation?

We often push, explain, and justify instead of listening. Real listening means:

• Encouraging others to talk about their situation

• Asking questions before giving solutions

• Looking for shared interests and common goals

When people feel heard, they are far more willing to own part of the solution.

In short: Deep listening turns resistance into ownership.

How do we create buy-in instead of pushback?

Two powerful principles work together:

1. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
   Understand their pressures, fears, and targets.

2. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
   Present the context and the “why” clearly, then let them help shape the “what” and “how”.

When people see a strong “why” that fits their reality, they often reach the same conclusion you wanted—by themselves.

In short: When people help create the idea, they are far more committed to making it work.

• Fear, blame, and narrow roles drive the “not my circus” attitude.

• Cooperation grows when we link requests to the other person’s goals and interests.

• Real listening reveals shared ground and opens the door to joint solutions.

• When people feel the idea is theirs, commitment and innovation increase dramatically.

Founded in the U.S. in 1912, Dale Carnegie Training has supported individuals and companies worldwide for over a century in leadership, sales, presentation, executive coaching, and DEI. Our Tokyo office, established in 1963, has been empowering both local and multinational corporate clients ever since.