Episode #96: Why Your Boss Is Difficult

Why do so many engagement surveys show low scores?

Many teams feel disconnected from their boss. People often like the company’s vision, but they dislike how their manager speaks to them. The problem is rarely “no communication” — it is the wrong kind of communication.

Mini-summary: Low engagement is usually a relationship and communication problem between boss and team, not a survey problem.

How do different communication styles create frustration?

Most bosses use their own natural style with everyone. That works well with people who are like them, but it makes others feel ignored, pressured, or misunderstood.

There are four simple styles:

• Driver – high assertion, high task, “time is money,” wants fast decisions

• Expressive – high assertion, high people, big-picture, energetic, persuasive

• Analytical – low assertion, high task, detail-focused, careful, wants data

• Amiable – low assertion, high people, calm, modest, harmony-focused

If you talk like a Driver to an Amiable person, they may feel pushed. If you talk in big ideas to an Analytical person, they may feel lost without details.

Mini-summary: A single “one-size-fits-all” speaking style will always disengage part of the team.

First, listen carefully to how people speak:

• Do they move fast or slow?

• Do they ask for details or big picture?

• Do they talk more about tasks or people?

Then mirror their style:

• With Drivers: be brief, clear, and direct.

• With Expressives: talk about ideas, impact, and opportunities.

• With Analyticals: share data, steps, and proof.

• With Amiables: speak softly, allow time, and show care for people’s feelings.

Do not be offended by different styles and do not try to “fix” people. Your job is to connect, not to correct.

Mini-summary: When you mirror others’ styles, they feel understood and engagement rises.

What can I start doing today?

• Develop and practice all four styles: Driver, Expressive, Analytical, Amiable

• Notice each person’s style and mirror it in tone, speed, and content

• Stop judging different styles as “wrong” or “weak”

• Focus on making it easy for people to talk openly with you

Mini-summary: Flexible communication makes you a better leader and turns “difficult bosses” into effective ones.

• Most low engagement scores come from poor boss–team communication, not lack of strategy.

• People have different communication preferences: task vs. people, fast vs. careful.

• Learning four basic styles and mirroring others breaks down barriers quickly.

• Leaders who adapt their style improve trust, openness, and survey results.

Founded in the U.S. in 1912, Dale Carnegie Training has supported individuals and companies worldwide for over a century in leadership, sales, presentation, executive coaching, and DEI. Our Tokyo office, established in 1963, has been empowering both domestic and multinational corporate clients ever since.