How Leaders Can Strengthen Relationships With Their Team (Part Three)

Over the last three episodes we’ve covered not criticizing people, giving appreciation, understanding wants, being interested in others, smiling, and remembering people’s names. In this final part, we look at the last three human relations skills you need to succeed as a leader: listening, speaking in terms of the other person’s interests, and making the other person feel important—sincerely.

How do leaders become better listeners and get their team talking?

By making it your mission to learn about your people—and choosing curiosity over impatience. Many leaders tune out when team members talk, because they only want to hear what they consider “useful,” like results. That mindset kills engagement. Listening is not passive; it’s a leadership act that builds trust and increases cooperation, because people feel seen and heard.

If you’re not sure what to ask, use a simple “memory linking” framework to open conversations and discover what matters to your team members:

Nameplate — their name and how to pronounce it correctly. The effort alone can make someone feel valued, especially if others have shortened their name for convenience.

House — where they live, have lived, and want to live.

Family — family composition and what matters at home (sometimes relationships deepen through children attending the same school).

Briefcase — what they actually do at work. Asking about the details of their role helps you understand their situation and priorities.

Airplane — travel: where they’ve been, where they want to go, and recommendations (including great onsen they’ve discovered).

Tennis Racket — hobbies and interests outside of work (often surprising, and often unknown because no one ever asked).

Ideas — what they’re noticing in the market: trends, competitors, changes, and useful sources of information.

Do now: Choose one team member and run just three of these prompts this week—then listen longer than you normally would.

How can you “talk in terms of the other person’s interests” if you don’t know what those interests are?

You don’t guess—you ask more questions. If you don’t know what someone cares about, it’s not a dead end. It’s a signal to go back to Principle Seven and listen better. People may not reveal what matters to them quickly, because they’re still evaluating whether they can trust you. Your job is to earn enough trust that they’ll open up, and questions are how you get there.

As you learn more, two things happen:

1) You can connect work to what they value, which increases motivation and willingness to cooperate.

2) You can highlight similarities and shared points, which accelerates trust-building and reduces misunderstanding.

Do now: In your next 1:1, ask: “What are you focused on right now—and what do you want more of at work this quarter?” Then connect your next request to the answer.

How do you make the other person feel important—without it becoming fake praise?

You do it sincerely, with honesty and genuine recognition—because without those caveats, these principles turn into manipulation. Most people want to feel that what they do matters and that they matter to the organisation. Often they’re working hard with little recognition, while bosses stay focused on outcomes and forget the results are produced by human beings—not machines. Mindset and commitment are what drive performance, and people want that effort to be seen.

This is why the words “honesty,” “sincerity,” and “genuine” matter. Remove them and the tools become tactics. Add them and the tools become leadership—because people can see through manipulation, and it doesn’t create followers or positive influence.

Do now: Recognise one person this week for the process they executed well (not just the outcome), and explain why it mattered to the team.

Conclusion

If you want stronger team relationships, make learning about your people your mission. Listen properly, ask better questions, and speak in terms of what matters to them. Then make them feel important—sincerely—because the goal isn’t to “use” human relations principles, it’s to lead like a human being. Do that, and leading your people becomes easier.

Quick Actions (This Week)

• Use the Nameplate–House–Family–Briefcase–Airplane–Tennis Racket–Ideas framework with one team member.

• Ask two “interest” questions in every 1:1 and write down the answers.

• Give one sincere recognition focused on effort, mindset, and commitment—not just results.

FAQs

What if my team members don’t open up? Keep listening and keep asking questions—trust often comes before disclosure.

Is this too “soft” for performance leadership? No—trust and engagement are performance multipliers, especially under pressure.

How do I avoid sounding manipulative? Be honest, be sincere, and be genuine—people can detect tactics immediately.

Author Credentials

Dr. Greg Story, Ph.D. in Japanese Decision-Making, is President of Dale Carnegie Tokyo Training and Adjunct Professor at Griffith University. He is a two-time winner of the Dale Carnegie “One Carnegie Award” (2018, 2021) and recipient of the Griffith University Business School Outstanding Alumnus Award (2012). As a Dale Carnegie Master Trainer, Greg is certified to deliver globally across all leadership, communication, sales, and presentation programs, including Leadership Training for Results.

He has written several books, including three best-sellers — Japan Business Mastery, Japan Sales Mastery, and Japan Presentations Mastery — along with Japan Leadership Mastery and How to Stop Wasting Money on Training. His works have been translated into Japanese, including Za Eigyō (ザ営業), Purezen no Tatsujin (プレゼンの達人), Torēningu de Okane o Muda ni Suru no wa Yamemashō (トレーニングでお金を無駄にするのはやめましょう), and Gendaiban “Hito o Ugokasu” Rīdā (現代版「人を動かす」リーダー).

Greg also publishes daily business insights on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter, and hosts six weekly podcasts. On YouTube, he produces The Cutting Edge Japan Business Show, Japan Business Mastery, and Japan’s Top Business Interviews, which are widely followed by executives seeking success strategies in Japan.