How to Build a Strong Relationship with Our Buyers

Why trust, empathy, and human relations remain the foundation of sales success in Japan

Hunting for new clients is hard work. Farming existing relationships is easier, more sustainable, and far more profitable. Yet not all buyers are easy to deal with. We often wish they would change to make our jobs smoother, but in reality, we can’t change them—we can only change ourselves. That principle, at the core of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, remains as true in 2025 as it was in 1936. By shifting our mindset and behaviour, we can strengthen buyer relationships and secure long-term loyalty.

Why must salespeople change first, not the buyer?

Expecting buyers to change their habits or behaviours sets us up for frustration. Buyers act in ways that make sense to them, even if inconvenient for us. The only real lever we have is our own behaviour. Even a small shift—like adjusting our approach by “three degrees”—can change the buyer’s counter-reaction.

In Japan, where harmony and long-term trust are prized, this principle is especially powerful. A salesperson who shows flexibility and empathy stands out in contrast to competitors who push rigidly for their own preferences.

Mini-Summary: Salespeople cannot force buyers to change; by adjusting their own behaviour, they influence the relationship and build trust.

What role do Dale Carnegie’s Human Relations Principles play in buyer relationships?

Carnegie’s Human Relations Principles are timeless tools for building cooperation. Three are particularly relevant for sales:

1. Don’t criticise, condemn, or complain. Criticism rarely changes behaviour—it provokes defensiveness.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Genuine recognition strengthens bonds and motivates reciprocity.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. Frame solutions around what the buyer personally values.

These principles apply across industries, from manufacturing to finance. Japanese buyers, in particular, value respectful, non-confrontational communication that acknowledges their contributions.

Mini-Summary: Carnegie’s Human Relations Principles—no criticism, sincere appreciation, and aligning with buyer wants—remain timeless tools for sales.

Why does criticism damage buyer relationships?

When salespeople criticise clients, they expect reasoned acceptance. Instead, they trigger defensiveness. Buyers justify their decisions, harden their positions, and often sour the relationship.

Consider situations common in Japan: extended payment terms, last-minute order changes, or requests for multiple quotes as compliance. Criticising these behaviours damages trust. Instead, salespeople must work constructively within the constraints, showing professionalism while seeking long-term influence.

Mini-Summary: Criticism never wins buyers—it hardens resistance. Professionalism and patience maintain the relationship, even under pressure.

How does sincere appreciation change buyer behaviour?

Most professionals receive little genuine recognition. Buyers, like colleagues, are often starved of appreciation. Yet false flattery is quickly detected, especially in Japan where sincerity is scrutinised. The key is to find something specific and genuine.

For example: “Suzuki-san, thank you for sending the information so promptly—it helped me meet my deadline.” This kind of concrete, truthful appreciation motivates buyers to cooperate more readily in future.

Mini-Summary: Specific, honest appreciation builds cooperation and strengthens relationships—especially in Japan, where false flattery backfires.

Why must salespeople align with buyer wants, not their own?

Buyers spend most of their time focused on their own priorities, not the salesperson’s. To gain cooperation, salespeople must align their proposals with what the buyer values personally, not just professionally.

In Japan, this often means recognising not only company goals but also individual motivations—career advancement, personal reputation, or peace of mind. Framing solutions to satisfy these deeper wants increases buyer engagement and willingness to act.

Mini-Summary: Sales success comes from aligning with buyer priorities—both corporate and personal—rather than pushing seller needs.

How can salespeople apply these principles consistently?

Building strong buyer relationships requires discipline. Salespeople should:

• Avoid negative talk about buyer policies.
• Express timely, specific appreciation for buyer cooperation.
• Frame every proposal around the buyer’s personal and organisational goals.

Companies like Toyota and Hitachi succeed because their sales teams apply these principles systematically, not occasionally. Sales leaders must coach and reinforce this mindset, ensuring every client interaction strengthens trust.

Mini-Summary: Consistency in applying human relations principles transforms sales teams from product pushers into trusted partners.

Conclusion

In 2025, with competition fiercer than ever, building strong buyer relationships remains the bedrock of sales success. We cannot expect clients to change for our convenience. Instead, by applying Dale Carnegie’s timeless principles—avoiding criticism, giving sincere appreciation, and aligning with buyer wants—we shift the relationship dynamic in our favour. Buyers in Japan reward this behaviour with trust, loyalty, and repeat business.

About the Author

Dr. Greg Story, Ph.D. in Japanese Decision-Making, is President of Dale Carnegie Tokyo Training and Adjunct Professor at Griffith University. He is a two-time winner of the Dale Carnegie “One Carnegie Award” (2018, 2021) and recipient of the Griffith University Business School Outstanding Alumnus Award (2012). As a Dale Carnegie Master Trainer, Greg is certified to deliver globally across all leadership, communication, sales, and presentation programs, including Leadership Training for Results.

He has written several books, including three best-sellers — Japan Business Mastery, Japan Sales Mastery, and Japan Presentations Mastery — along with Japan Leadership Mastery and How to Stop Wasting Money on Training. His works have been translated into Japanese, including Za Eigyō (ザ営業), Purezen no Tatsujin (プレゼンの達人), Torēningu de Okane o Muda ni Suru no wa Yamemashō (トレーニングでお金を無駄にするのはやめましょう), and Gendaiban “Hito o Ugokasu” Rīdā (現代版「人を動かす」リーダー).

Greg also publishes daily business insights on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter, and hosts six weekly podcasts. On YouTube, he produces The Cutting Edge Japan Business Show, Japan Business Mastery, and Japan’s Top Business Interviews, which are widely followed by executives seeking success strategies in Japan.