Listening Skills

Listening is the most underrated sales skill because it reveals what the buyer is really thinking, not just what they’re willing to say out loud.

Most of us believe we listen well—until someone close to us (often a partner) points out we’re not actually taking anything in. The same delusion shows up in sales: we think we’re listening, but we’re often just waiting for our turn to talk. The real question is: are you listening for what’s not being said, and are you listening with your eyes as well as your ears? When you’ve lived overseas or worked cross-culturally—say in Japan without fluent Japanese—you quickly learn how much meaning lives in tone, pauses, and body language. In your native language, you can get lazy. Let’s fix that.

Are you really listening to the buyer—or just waiting to talk?

Most salespeople aren’t listening; they’re mentally rehearsing their reply, and the buyer can feel it immediately.

This happens in every market and sector—B2B tech, professional services, finance, recruiting—because the pressure to perform hijacks attention. A buyer says something that sounds important (budget, competitor, urgency), and your brain starts building the counter-argument or the “perfect” feature explanation. From that moment, you’re no longer tracking the full message. In Japan, where indirect language and hierarchy often shape what is said (and what’s avoided), you can miss the real objection completely. In the US or Australia, it shows up as interruption, speed, or answering a question the buyer didn’t ask. On Zoom or Microsoft Teams post-pandemic, it’s worse—people multitask, read notes, and “listen” with half a brain while trying to sound confident.

Do now: If you catch yourself scripting your response mid-sentence, pause and paraphrase what they just said before you add anything.

What are the five levels of listening in sales conversations?

There are five levels—Ignore, Pretend, Selective, Attentive, and Empathetic—and most sales calls live in levels 2–3.

These levels aren’t theory—they describe what your brain is actually doing under pressure. “Ignore” doesn’t mean staring at your phone; it means your attention gets dragged away by your own thoughts. “Pretend” is the classic nod-and-smile while your mind is elsewhere. “Selective” is the salesperson’s trap: you listen for “yes/no” signals but miss the conditions and nuance attached. “Attentive” is full focus: no filtering, no interrupting, and you paraphrase to confirm. “Empathetic” is elite: you read tone, pacing, body language, and what isn’t being said, aiming to meet the buyer where their mind already is—risk, politics, fear of making a mistake, stakeholder pressure.

Do now: After every call, write down which level you spent most time in—and what triggered you to drop a level.

How can you “ignore” a client while looking like you’re paying attention?

You ignore the buyer the moment their comment triggers your internal monologue and you stop hearing what comes next.

The buyer might say, “We’re also speaking to your competitor,” or “Budget is tight,” and your mind races to the defence: value proof, ROI, differentiation, pricing justification. Meanwhile, they’re still talking—often explaining the real issue, such as procurement constraints, internal politics, or a bad past vendor experience. In enterprise sales—think large multinationals versus SMEs—the cost of this mistake compounds because stakeholder chains are long and objections are rarely direct. In Japan, the impact can be sharper: the buyer may soften language to preserve harmony, so the meaning is wrapped in tone and implication. If you ignore those cues, you respond loudly to the surface and quietly miss the substance.

Do now: When you feel triggered, breathe once, then ask a clarifying question instead of launching a defence.

What does “pretend listening” sound like—and why is it so common in sales?

Pretend listening is when you look engaged but you’re not actually processing, because you’re preparing to pitch or fight.

You nod, you say “right, right,” you maintain eye contact—yet your brain is rehearsing the feature dump or preparing evidence for battle. It’s the “lights were on, but you’re not home” problem—funny in a song lyric, deadly in a sales meeting.

Salespeople fall into this when they hear either (1) a hint of interest and want to pounce, or (2) buyer resistance and want to win. In Australia and the US, pretend listening often shows up as “solutioneering” too early. In Japan and parts of Europe, it shows up as premature persuasion before trust and context are built—often interpreted as pushy or disrespectful. In hybrid work, pretend listening is amplified by screen fatigue and multitasking.

Do now: Before you explain anything, summarise their point in one sentence and wait for a “Yes, that’s it.”

Is selective listening helpful for closing deals—or does it backfire?

Selective listening helps you move fast, but it backfires when you only hear “yes/no” and miss the conditions attached.

Salespeople are trained to detect buying signals, objections, and key phrases—great skill, but dangerous when it becomes a filter that blocks everything else. A buyer says “No” and your brain stops listening so it can build a rebuttal. A buyer says “Yes” and you stop listening because you’re ready to close. Either way, you miss the qualifier: “Yes, but only if legal approves,” or “No, because implementation capacity is frozen until Q3.” The Japan example is a brilliant listening lesson: Japanese sentence structure forces patience because the verb lands at the end, so you must listen all the way through to know whether it’s positive, negative, past, or future. English tempts you to start manufacturing your reply mid-sentence—speedy, but sloppy.

Do now: Don’t respond to the first “yes/no.” Wait for the full thought, then ask, “What needs to be true for that to change?”

What’s the difference between attentive listening and empathetic listening—and which one top sellers use?

Attentive listening makes you accurate; empathetic listening makes you persuasive because it reveals what the buyer is protecting.

Attentive listening is full concentration: you’re not interrupting, not filtering, not planning your response while they talk. You paraphrase what you heard, which immediately lifts trust in any sector—SaaS, consulting, manufacturing, healthcare, government procurement. Empathetic listening goes higher: you listen with your eyes and ears, reading tone, hesitation, body language, and the “missing” content. You notice the pause before they mention budget, the tightness when they reference a stakeholder, the vagueness when they talk about timing. You’re trying to meet the buyer in the conversation happening in their mind—risk management, career safety, internal politics, fear of wasting money, fear of disruption. This is where elite sellers separate from average ones, especially in complex deals and cross-cultural settings like Japan versus the US.

Do now: Paraphrase the facts, then reflect the emotion: “It sounds like there’s some risk here you don’t want landing on your desk.”

Conclusion

Listening isn’t a “soft skill”—it’s a revenue skill. If you want more deals, stop trying to be impressive and start being fully present. The five levels of listening help you diagnose exactly what’s going wrong: ignoring because you’re triggered, pretending because you’re pitching, selective because you’re hunting signals, attentive because you’re disciplined, and empathetic because you’re reading the human underneath the words. The simplest way to improve is to practise listening where it’s hardest—outside work—because it builds the muscle you need in buyer conversations. And yes: practising with your partner might be the best sales training you’ll ever get.

Quick actions for leaders and salespeople

• Build a “paraphrase before pitch” rule into your sales playbook.

• Coach reps on identifying their trigger moments (budget, competitor, timing).

• Use call recordings to score listening level shifts (Pretend → Selective → Attentive).

• Train empathetic listening cues: tone, pauses, hedging language, and what’s missing.

Author credentials

Dr. Greg Story, Ph.D. in Japanese Decision-Making, is President of Dale Carnegie Tokyo Training and Adjunct Professor at Griffith University. He is a two-time winner of the Dale Carnegie “One Carnegie Award” (2018, 2021) and recipient of the Griffith University Business School Outstanding Alumnus Award (2012). As a Dale Carnegie Master Trainer, Greg is certified to deliver globally across all leadership, communication, sales, and presentation programs, including Leadership Training for Results.

He has written several books, including three best-sellers — Japan Business Mastery, Japan Sales Mastery, and Japan Presentations Mastery — along with Japan Leadership Mastery and How to Stop Wasting Money on Training. His works have been translated into Japanese, including Za Eigyō (ザ営業), Purezen no Tatsujin (プレゼンの達人), Torēningu de Okane o Muda ni Suru no wa Yamemashō (トレーニングでお金を無駄にするのはやめましょう), and Gendaiban “Hito o Ugokasu” Rīdā (現代版「人を動かasu” Rīdā).

Greg also publishes daily business insights on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter, and hosts six weekly podcasts. On YouTube, he produces The Cutting Edge Japan Business Show, Japan Business Mastery, and Japan’s Top Business Interviews, which are widely followed by executives seeking success strategies in Japan.